Unless you’re a real Scrooge, everyone loves Christmas. The chance to exchange gifts, eat lots of delicious food and fall asleep in front of the Queen’s Speech in TV. What could be better than that? There is only one aspect of Christmas that a lot of people would agree they could do without; Christmas songs. Not Christmas Carols, which are always special when heard in church, but the cheesy hits that used to be churned out regularly in the 70s and 80s. Today’s music may not be perfect, but at least modern artists have ditched that annoying habit – although even the most festive tune wouldn’t stand a chance against the X-Factor’s dominance of the Christmas number one spot!
The main problem is that these songs get everywhere. You hear them on the radio, on television music channels, in shops and bars and, of course, at Christmas parties. It’s enough to have you reaching for the stop laser snoring treatment so you don’t disturb everyone’s good time when you head for a White Christmas-induced nap on the sofa.
It’s probably considered sacrilegious to criticise White Christmas, one of the most popular festive tunes of all time, but let’s face it, the song is a bit on the dreary side. Not like the great cosmetic results you can get from Private Clinic Harley Street. A compilation featuring Bing Crosby followed by Jona Lewie and Stop the Cavalry is more than enough to send even the biggest Christmas fans into a coma. They may be just as annoying, but Slade’s Merry Xmas Everybody or Wizzard’s I Wish it Could be Christmas Every Day are at least lively enough to stop party-goers dozing off…
There are some really terrible Christmas hits out there if you search through the archives, ones that are probably too loud and lively for you to fall asleep to, but bad enough that you really wish you could doze for a few minutes until they’re over. For instance, did you know that Miss Piggy had recorded her own Christmas hit? Or, possibly even worse, that the stars of Minder released a record in character in the 80s, at the height of the show’s popularity? Even a snoring husband would be more tuneful than those numbers!
